Chaos and order are always present in our lives, and most of us relate chaos with unsecurity as opposed to order which represents a reliable world we feel safe in.
So to reach this safety, we order our world into structures.
These structures however, need to be flexible, flowing like water, because change in our world is inevitable. We cannot ban chaos just like that and ignore its existence in our life.
Now, since many people see change as a threat to their security, they try to avoid it, by freezing their own structures at some given moment.
It means that they develop until some point and when they feel safe enough, they stop and dig themselves into the ground. They freeze their flow and they sacrifice their own development on the altar of the illusion of security.
Truth is, that they cannot stop the world from turning. Things will keep flowing around them weather they want it or not, chaos will be present and will go on mixing things up, and all the changes will also happen to them.
The only effect of this self freezing, is that they wont be able to react or adapt to those changes due to the lack of flexibility. They will insist seeing the old structures in the new things, and they will remain blind for the actual truth.
Looking at it like that, makes clear, that not only they are not really safer than anyone else, but also, that they will have always a more difficult time to deal with things than others. Their security is a self-fraud. A lie. And beside the new challanges they will keep getting in their lives, they will always have a side battle defending this self fraud. It is a battle they can never win. They lose even when they win.
It can be frustrating to deal with these people until we realize their situation.
By trying to convince themselves and win their little side battles, they usually also try to convince others about their fake reality, simply because it will strengthen their world, as if truth would be more truth when there are more people repeating it. They enforce their structures by saying their truths out loud and by judging others within their system of truth. At times they can become quite convincing doing this.
It is relatively easy to spot them though: They never ask questions. They never allow themselves to have unfilled gaps. They never doubt openly their own thoughts. It would crack up the rigid, but tense (thus fragile) structures and it would make their world collapse very quickly. So they never ask: they look at things, conclude quickly within the frames of their past experiences and speak their judgement. Right away
I personaly find it pointless to discuss with these people, because while I am talking about a topic, they are defending their worldview and security. It is not a common ground to discuss anything or to talk about anything. Tha fact that their truth has to be the “winner” takes away any chance of a really nurturing conversation.
The only way I can possibly imagine in order to reach them, is the way one deals with an ice cube wanting to obtain water: giving warmth.
Instead of trying to convince, or resist, simply just showing them that there are other ways to deal with things. That not everything is as they imagine. That change isnt that bad after all. Love is easy on these structures and wont ever try to break them, so its never realized as danger. This makes Love very powerful, it can penetrate into the darkest places without fighting, without resistence. Of course it is always up to the person itself who decides to let their structure melt into flexibility or not.
It will always be a respectable decision since everyone has the right to choose how they want to live their life, and suffering is just so much is a rightful choice as is happiness. But what we can do is show an option. Show a different way. Never by trying to break those structures, since violence will just generatet more violence.
The best we CAN do is to bring some light into the darkest places. To bring warmth to the frozen.
And once we are there we can take a look around and learn about it.
