Monthly Archive for May, 2010

Lament over the lost Unity

Published
by
Flora
on May 3, 2010
in Darkness
. 0 Comments

Before I became an *I* I was part of a *We*. I didn’t identify myself as an independent being, ther was no sence in *me* separately. It was a happy and fairly balanced time, the only time I didn’t feel alone, I alone didn’t even exist by then, the idea made no sense at all.

Then the curiosity started to poke me. The curiosity about myself, if I could exist as an independent person, if I could make sense on my own, if I could take control over my life. And it became stronger and stronger, it smelled like challenge, it sounded like adventure. I was unaware of what I had, unaware of the value of the unity I was living in, unaware of the balance and security I was living in, unaware of the loving embrace I fell asleep or woke in the morning. It was THE state, without any contrast and it meant as good as nothing. When you are born in paradise and don’t know any other place, you can not value it until you loose it. And alas it´s too late by then.

So I ripped myself out there – its not an easy thing to do, and it leaves wounds that hardly ever heal. When you step out of unity you leave your half heart, half body, half soul behind. And sooner or later you will have to face this loss and the responsibility for it.

Loosing paradise itself is a hard thing, but its not necessarily a straight road to hell either. It´s  separation, it´s burning up a world and discovering an other one.

Yet I managed to find my own little hell inside my mind. In the longing back to the unity, something impossible to do. In the self punishing, looking for pain to ease the guilt, locking my vague self that wouldn’t be able to succeed by itself because it will always be the lost part of something that stopped to exist long time ago. I found an excuse to exist and that excuse is pain. It’s the only way I can excuse myself living on, in a world im not meant to be separate, in that I had a chance to live a unity but couldn’t value it enough to keep it and literally threw it away.

No punishment is necessary for those who cannot forgive themselves. They will live their lives in a their own particular hell until the end of their days. In guilt, in pain and in darkness. It is very much like the original sin. You can´t do much about it but suffer.

I wake with it, sleep with it, live with it, the only way I know to live with it, suffering.

It comforts me. It gives me a licence to be. But it doesn’t really allows me to live.

I understand that it´s a process, that I had to loose it in order to value it.

I understand that i got cought in a loop that prevents me from advancing.

I understand that now I need to find a way out of this personal hell of mine.

I know there is light in me  to contrast this darkness.

Somewhere.

Connections

Published
by
Flora
on May 1, 2010
in Create! and L&L
. 0 Comments

dsc_0743Human beings have a strong desire to connect to each other.

By these connections they expand their experiences, learn about others and about themselves. Contrasting experiences with each other expands the worldview of a person.

I take him/her into my world, and that way my world is growing. The more connections I make, the more I am aware of the diversity, and it makes me more and more open toward others and thus toward myself. So knowing the world will help to know myself.

There is a simple rule to connections : Similar connects with similar.

Body connects with body. I can see you, touch you, taste you, hear you or smell you with my body organs. I connect to your body with my body. The things you do with your body – I interpret with mine. I see you dancing, i hear you singing, I feel you touching, etc.. Body usually interacts according to with what what we want./dont want. Regardless of the needs.

Mind or intellect connects with the mind or intellect.

Just as I listen to your voice with my ears, I understand yout thoughts with my mind. I process the products of your thinking with my thinking. The mind interacts in accordance with worldview and beliefs. According to what we like or dislike. This level ignores the real needs just as well.

Soul connects to the soul. This last one is more difficult to explain, because in order to explain i am using my mind. J

The soul has a lenguage of its own, and it can only be felt, but not explained in general terms. The soul works according the needs of a person, regardless of the wants or the likes.

Of course there is a complex interaction between these levels within a person. But the connections with others are always made on the same levels. You can never see or understand my soul, with your mind or your eyes, or physically hear my thoughts.

These connections can be made simultaniously, but never crossed. My soul can connect to your soul while we are exchanging ideas and look into each others eyes. And on the different levels we exchange completely different informations simultaneously.

Many times people try to explain the soul with thoughts. They write books about it, they try to put it into words. And yes, conclusions of a connection with the soul can be put into words or images at times, for example art comes close to it at times, but it has really nothing to do with what happens on the level of the mind. Its something completly different. It is common, that the soul understands and accepts something perfectly, while the mind fights and rejects it.

It can happen, that I emotionally cling on someone but our soul agree to part. Consciously I will suffer a decision I made myself on the level of my soul.

Inner balance is when we are capable to interpret, understand and accept the souls decicions in accordance with our mind and body.

In my experience the soul is the deepest personal level of making connections and decisions, than its the mind – the conscious and the subconscious, than the body.

The depth of our connections are also lined out that way.

A mere body-connection is the most shallow of connections, the intellectual understanding is one step deeper and the soul connection is the deepest personal connection.

There is a deeper connection than that, but its nonpersonal.

Connection translates also as Love throughout all this process.

But for now i prefer to use the term connection as contrary term to separation.

We will come to Love in another post that is yet to come.

So, a word of advice for those wishing to connect:

If you want to create a soul connection - don´t try to do it through the body. With the body all you will achieve is a body connection, so if you wish for depth, do not start there. Depending on the depth of the connection you wish to establish, start on that level of depth.

I see this mistake every day, people pretending to make crossed connection, having sex while wishing for a companion of the soul, or acting intellectual or soulful while they only wish to have sex. It is never the way to establish lasting and healthy connections by confusing or crossacting these levels.

Think about what you need, contrast it with what you want and make a conscious decision about the connections you make.
And most of all don´t blame others if the first one to cheat on You is Your own self.